Leading by Example...

After a not so satisfying kimchi instant noodle supper, looking at my time its 00.31am on a Monday morning, I wonder why am I up so late. Other than some EPL legions who are still glued to their Mio remote at this time, I think most of you are alseep by now. Looking at the dwindling number of people online through Facebook, I guess its time to kiss your weekend goodbye and face another guelling week. Happy are those who just got their paycheck, not so happy are those whose paycheck are going towards bills, cars, utilities, credit cards, mortgages etc...endless...but isn't that what people generally do? Money don't grow on trees I suppose.

I don't work in a high stress level environment, in fact I can say I consider myself at times overpaid, underworked (I hope my employer is not reading this). I guess I can conclude one thing, I do manage my workload given the same 9 hours everybody gets. I vaguely remembered having to cart home any work home on any given day. I spent 180 days a year in casual attire as there's only 180 school days a year when I need to wear "office attire"). No teachers, students, parents for the rest of the time. I only have to OT on some days when there's events happening at work, and never have I claimed a single cent on OT or rather correction "cannot claim. You gain some you lose some. Just drum it in; don't shortchange your employer. If I have to leave early one day to attend say a wedding, I 'd just have to put back the hours back on another day. Conscience clear. Period.

Money isn't everything. My first paycheck as a secretary was $800. Then, it was a gargantuan sum. I gave mummy a fix monthly allowance and gradually increased it over the years. After I got married and had my own family, I continued to give mummy what I still call till today "cake money". Mummy is a homemaker and she gets an income from her children, simple as that. That's only fair. Just a few days ago I was having a conversation with a friend and our topic of discussion was whether we should expect our children to take care of us in our later years. Are they obliged to in the first place? A generation ago, I would say yes, but I cannot say the same for the next. Never take your children as an investment. As with any investment, always factor in the element of risk. If the stocks are in your favour, you reap the rewards. Invest in a bad stock, you will be left all alone, but always make sure you have a contingency plan. Having a place, regardless the size, make it your own. Never live with the fear that your next night might be somewhere in the streets. Never take for granted that you will be well-liked by your children or your in-laws. It has happened, just look around. Some don't have a choice. So why are some people still blaming themselves if they feel they have failed in bring up their children well and have somewhere along the way forgotten to instilled in them some sense of filial piety.

I asked my son today if he was keen to go to Sydney some day. He curtly said no and instead wanted go to China. Before I could ask him why, he proceeded to say that he wanted the entire family to go together. All of us also means daddy, mummy, brother, uncle and grandma. For those who don't know me, I live in an extended family. On many occasion when we are discussing where we should go during the year end vacation, my mil (mother-in-law) would usually opt out should we decide to go to a "western" country. To her, her asssumption that all western food contains dairy which she finds revolting and will never find the place suitable if the cuisine does not suit her. So came the reply "so mama can also come with us". He knows his priority even at such a tender age. You can't help but love this kid.

For a very long time before and then after marriage, I wanted my nucleus family. When we are young, we are blinded to a lot of things. I felt I needed a lot of personal space. A lot of my friends didn't understand the mechanics of my family and wondered why I compromised on having to live with my in laws. To cut a long story short, I love my spouse and I respected the way he wanted to live, that's with his parents. I secretly hope my kids in a few short years would have the same inkling to such an idealogy although I won't be too surprised if they wanted the pioneering spirit like me and have the conviction to pave their own way of life, to have their own place sans parents. That too I would have to respect their decision and not expect that they would want to live with me when I am old or worse old, feeble and sick. All I am asking is that I would love to see them often enough and have regular meals with me. Not being too unreasonable, I should think. On hindsight, living with my in laws have been more a boon than a bane for me. I go to work each day knowing my kids are not latch key kids and assured that they are well looked after. I could even have some rare occasion to meet friends without lugging my kids with me.

I have showed my children what its like to live in an extended family, I wonder if they will want to do the same when its their turn to be parents themselves and have children of their own. Would they want me around to look after their children and cook a warm meal for them when they come home from work. Do the laundry, iron the school uniforms, among many other chores. Generation gaps prevails but if both parties are willing to see from each other's perspective, garner mutual respect for one's individuality, avoid being control freaks, I thing a lovely relationship can be possible.

My agenda for my kids are simple. Their duty is to study hard, earn their right, be respectful, there's a time for work and a time for play. I'd rather have a child with average grades who ace in his or her EQ. I will not acknowledge one who ace all his or her papers but lacking in basic social manners and clueless about how to be a human being, one with empathy and total respect for anyone, right down to the person who comes to clear your table at a hawker centre. A word of thanks surely ain't that difficult. Being honestly sincere goes a longer way.

So, if you ask me how to raise a good kid, just look at yourself in the mirror, you are their living example and with God's grace, you LEAD by EXAMPLE. My sons actually taught me this...its their prefect motto. So very true...

Embracing 40....

In a couple months time, I will be turning 40. Assuming I live till 80 (very optimistic I am I know), that means I would have lived half my life. Most women for some reasons are really uptight when you ask them about their age. For me, you don't have to ask I will tell you, voluntarily. I mean what's the point of hiding your age? Most people have been to school and are able to count, even if they can't, their estimation cannot be that far off.

People will also tend to ask you, so what have you achieved? In general, people will judge you on your career path, the kind of home you own, the car you drive, the bling you wear and what time piece you have on your wrist. Never will anyone ask how you have lived your life, how meaningful it was or have you made a difference to anyone around you. Sadly that's how it seems in the broader scheme in life. I have never been a go-getter. I hated Shenton Way life. My very first temp job was at Citibank and it was the coldest place to work and I don't mean the air con temperature. I quit after 2 weeks. I never fit in.

My first permanent job was through a friend whose uncle heads an insurance agency. I knew I wouldn't go very far being stuck on the 16th floor of Cathay Building as a secretary. Being a green horn, you merely take instructions and never question. So at 21, I tried sales. How are you to convince people to buy insurance when you are barely out of school. After 1 year of peddling financial products, I knew this wasn't for me. I hated figures and I hated telling people that they may die prematurely.

My sister was a flight attendant with SIA and I wasn't at all keen in leaving my parents alone and worrying about my sis and I should both of us decides to embrace the "great way to fly" slogan. They were desperate for crew members and standing at 1.63m, I am techinically 5cm overqualified. Mum was trying to discourage too by saying I was clumsy and would definitely overturn beer in that tight galley. She's right, I can be very "lun chun", meaning clumsy in Cantonese. There goes my "travel around the world" dream, whooosh, out of the window.

As a child, when I go to Daddy's office, Daddy was MD so I had total liberty to do whatever I can in his Somerset House office, the very building with the famous goreng pisang (I can still remember). I would roll a paper into the manual Olivetti and would pound away and type THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG. If you can master this sentence on the typewriter, you basically qualifies as a secretary or a typist. All 26 alphabets are there. I would then open the ink pads and stamps away with the rubber stamps which says URGENT, PAID, in red ink, black ink, blue ink and on the table much to my dad's dismay. I would sit on Daddy's director's chair and try to see how far back it goes without the chair toppling over. Yes, I can be naughty.

Along came a job opportunity at an international school to temp for a Principal's secretary who was off for maternity leave. What was to be a two month assignment became a 17 year assignment and still counting. Nevermind I had to do loads of mailing, typing, copying, meetings, answering queries from parents, teachers, students, I was happy. Not only I engage with adults, the international students I got to know and knowing I am their "Miss Sharon at the office" was enough for me. Some of them I have watched them grow from a Kindergarten child until their graduation in High School. I never wanted to go back to Shenton Way.

I have not seriously dated anyone so technically I never had an ex. I really liked a boy once for a long time in secondary school but he was just not available. He liked a girl name Karen. Then came junior college, again I liked a boy but he was interested in a girl name Caren. You know what, I hated that name for a really long time....to think my name rhymes with it...There were a few boys in school whom I did go out with in groups though. I knew my tall dark handsome was a tall and unrealistic order so I scaled down my expectations cuz I knew I needed someone who could make me laugh, I didn't need a trophy boyfriend although having a gorgeous guy in your arms could make lots of girls eat maggots and cringe in pain. I didn't have a long checklist for my man. Someone to laugh with, takes care of me, loves his family, loves my family, loves me for who I am, was all it took for me to walk down the aisle with him. Next month we celebrate our 13th anniversary.

In July 1999, Ryan arrived after 38 weeks and was delivered c-section. No, I didn't chicken out on a natural birth. It just didn't happen as Ryan was breeched. I chose to have a LA instead of a GA. Not a bad idea to actually engage in a conversation while having the gynae cut you up, carry a baby out of you and stitch you back. Frankly, it was rather easy and I told myself, I could do this again...barely when Ryan was 9 months old, my GP congratulated me again. Ryan was going to have a brother. Marcus arrived before the end of 2000. I was never meant to experience labour pains and natural birth was only textbook knowledge for me.

The boys have been the best thing that happened to me. As a couple, we both share equal weight in parenting. Having mutual respect for parenting styles is the essence to a happy marriage and family building. If I could afford to have more children, I would love to have maybe another child. Even if I could I would have one 8 yrs back, not now as I am now about to enjoy and to pursue my hobbies, interests. With a baby, its not impossible but limiting. So it was a blessing both Ryan and Marcus was born close to one another and now able to bond and look out for each other.

Until my boys are just a bit older, I would love to spend more time seeing the world, try new things, climb Mt Fuji, see windmills and tulips, visit Holy Land, walk the Great Wall. Meanwhile I will just have to start saving, and hope my life will be continually blessed with good health, love and happiness. What's your dream?

As a parting shot, coming back to the realities of successful and gracious ageing, you try to stretch and slow down the process of ageing. You get sucked into believing whitening creme will eradicate age spots and pigmentation. Colouring your hair is no longer a choice, you cope with loosening skin cellulite and droopy eyelids amongst other parts of the body that droops. Meanwhile, before I am become too challenging for photoshopping, I'd better book a make-over with Glamour Shot to freeze time, have a few nice shots for my children and grandchildren to remember me at my prime, I'd call it Sharon at its best. Bring it on, at 40, I think my life is just beginning.

Me and My Global Friends on UN Day 2009

Glenn Medeiros - Me minus you equals blue (Me-U=blue)

Simply magical, so nice, so nice....

Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand - I Finally Found Someone

Dear Paul, Happy 13th Anniversary on 28 September (1997), Sharon

HUNGRY EYES - Eric Carmen

from the movie soundtrack of Dirty Dancing, RIP Patrick Swayze....

Music & My Life

I have always marvelled how people created music, to write a song is not difficult but to entwine a melody to the lyrics and gel them together. What comes first, the melody or the lyrics? I discovered I had learning difficulties when I was learning to play the classical piano when I was 7. I am good at audio learning but if you ask me to transcribe notes from a score to the piano keys, I simply can't do it. That was the reason why I dropped out after grade one for my pianoforte exams. I excelled in all my compulsory pieces (all of which I pretended to look at the score in front of me), all very convincing. I basically play and learnt by ear. When it came to sight reading (ie. given a foreign piece of score to play), I froze. Needless to say, I did not bother picking up my certificate. I further confirmed my "disability" when learning shorthand. Those bean spouts strokes were unbelievably terrifying. To convert sound to strokes, how bizarre was that? Again, mission failed. I took audio transcription instead and aced. But so far no company I worked for uses a transcriber. So I am back to square one, but I had to create my own shorthand, a skill I picked up at junior college. You basically drop most vowels and just put a small g to represent all the "ing", which we are all doing now in our sms, twit or whatever. Everything was possible even if you had to start drawing a circle to mean circumference cuz only you will understand your own scribbles, no one else, and I quite like that idea. Its like my secret code.

I have always been exposed to music. In primary school I was in an emsemble, playing percussion, in secondary school I was in the choir and again in junior college, I became vice-president of the college choir. Participating in Singapore Youth Festivals in Victoria and Kallang Theatre and coming back with an award for the school was the order of the day, we gave it our best even if it was just a merit award, it was still an accolade. I enjoyed the rush that few seconds before we come on stage - which I really enjoyed. Quite recently I stumbled upon a catholic website looking for volunteers to sing carols for the prisoners at Changi. The very thought was refreshing - hey these inmates are also missing Christmas and shouldn't we bring some festivities to them, nevermind what crime they commited. I called them up and they immediately sent me a practice schedule (I guess not many are keen). Should be easy I know all my traditional carols, been singing them all my life. Thing is I needed a "kaki" to come with me, one who will not call me "siow" (crazy). She freaked me out and I lost the chance. But I think I will try again this year, kaki or no kaki, I can do this alone...definitely. Will see.

Dad introduced me to jazz and R&B. He bought Miles Davis and The Stylistics. Our family enjoyed a wide genre of music. Mum was more into country and western and was a regular at a record store in Holland V. Mag (my sister) and I bought every Donny and Marie album. there was. My favourites then were Andy Gibb, David Gates (who doesn't know Goodbye Girl), Bee Gees (ah ah ah ah Stayin Alive), ONJ, Soundtrack of Xanadu, Grease. Then came the 80s, Madonna (Lucky Star), Spandau Ballet (True), Duran Duran (Hungry Like a Wolf), Culture Club (Karma Chameleon), Wham (Wake Me Up Before You Go Go), you name it I got them all. I miss the vinyls, there were bulky, and lots of work to maintain their crisp sound. Humidity - their greatest enemy. I don't live in the east, so warped vinyls I don't encounter due to the salty air. Mould must be removed with alcohol wiped in one direction or you get crackling sound when the stylus hit the vinyl. Stylus cost a bomb and had to be treated with so much care. But I love the fuss but I also love the convenience of compact disc. With so much music ripping these days, I am glad to say I still buy CDs, I love to unravel the CD cases, tear the plastic film, examine the reflective CD and read the sleeve, knowing who the songs were written for makes it even more meaningful. Enjoying music encompass all the senses.

You know how certain songs reminds you of certain phases and milestones in your life? Whenever I hear "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen, it will remind me of orientation at junior college. They kept playing this song in the hall during ice breakers. A boy I fancied liked the song by Reo Speedwagon "Can't Fight This Feeling" but he fancied this other girl who was prettier than me - how shallow..but I often associated this song to him.

Every couple has their song. I do have a song with Paul, Glen Medeiros' "Me Minus You Equals Blue", we had a verse from the opening line of the song...."with all my heart, I pledge my love forever" inscribed in our wedding invite and Barbara's Streisand & Bryan Adam's "I've Finally Found Someone" from the movie the Mirror Has Two Faces, which we used for our march in. Whenever the deejay plays our song, it just makes us relive the moment. Music and its power.

These days, I have lost touch with mainstream music, I cannot name one song from Beyonce, I don't know what a Green Day is and I don't tune in to 98.7FM. Instead I tune in to oldie mouldy Gold 90.5FM, I like familiar tunes, so I can hum along if not sing. Music do calm the nerves. Whenever I hear Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel, I sense peace and I will never forget my principal Colleen getting me to rewind the VCR to this track before our faculty meeting and we had this song played while the teachers chilled for 3 mins before we start our weekly staff meeting. No one else will do this. Its radical, not work related but so effective. If ever I get to manage a team, I will take this useful tip with me.

I can live without TV but never without music. If I am ever trapped in an island alone, I hope I have my ipod but then what happens when the battery runs out.....? What's music to you? For me, I can't sleep without my radio, its that not an intimate relationship, what is? I already know what flowers I want at my funeral now I need to work on the music...hey you only die once, you better have some control over it. Taking about flowers, look out for my next post.

Tevin Campbell - I'm Ready (1994)

Tevin Campbell - Can We Talk?

TEVIN CAMPBELL "TOMORROW"

I love this from Quincy Jones featuring Tevin Campbell...never get tired of it and such an inspiring song...whatever happened to Tevin, he's got such a great voice. His album "I'm Ready", one of the better R & B albums produced by my standards of course. See Tevin, so young and in 1994 in the following videos...

There's always time....

Do you hear yourself telling your friends, "aiyah you know lah, I have been so busy, where got time to.........". You can fill in the blanks with just about any reason, any excuse. But are we that busy, so busy, so damn busy to actually forgo doing things that makes us a bit different from Mrs Tan, our boring neighbour who only sits in front of the gogglebox watching some Taiwanese soap which has been running since Ah Boy was 6 years old (Ah Boy is now 11). In our one life time on this earth, don't you want to do the things you have always dreamt of doing, taking up photography, visiting a a very old great grand aunt who may kick the bucket anytime, volunteeering for your children school event or to do just that one thing you have brushed aside saying, ok I will do it one day when I find time. Trust me, that time will never come your way if you don't make any effort to materialise it. You control your time, not the other way around.

I sound like a broken vinyl but I keep telling my friends and I keep reminding myself too, that life is too short. God works in mysterious ways and is capable to wreck havoc to people's lives and of course He has his reasons which I am not too keen to know. Just give me what I deserve and just give me enough time to lead a meaningful life, a life which I can say, yes I was a happy person on earth. We become de-sensitized to many things in life, because we have been hurt even by people we love or once loved. We have become immuned, like how some medication loses its efficacy after frequent dosage. We go crazy in our heads and shield ourselves from endless opportunities, we live in the past, wollow in self pity. Sometimes missing opportunities which was just right there but we were too busy to grasp. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying you must buy that car you cannot upkeep, I mean that's being an idiot. KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid. After a hellish week at work, make yourself a coffee, take it down to the pool and read a magazine. Go for a foot massage (no threshold for pain?) or go to the hair salon and have someone wash your hair for you, a bonus if the shampoo girl gives you a head massgae. See that drop dead dress at the window display, go into the shop, get a tag and try it on. If it fits, gives you a rush and if you seriously think you look great in it, cash it. Trust me, you get such a high knowing people is going to talk about your dress and hey, we need some compliments once in a while. Worst case if its beyond your wallet and costing you a month's pay, put it back on the rack, least you tried it on. Just remember to smile at the sales assistant and tell her you'll consider and come back after you lose a few inches, you'll make her day. You make impulse purchases, I have my fair share. I have a few pairs of shoes which are still in mint condition. Why, on that spur I felt I needed it nevemind if its too sexy for work in a school and 3 and a half inches high. We have our days like that. You wondered what got into you. But what the heck, if it made you happy that moment, nurtured that endorphin which was hidden somewhere at the back of your brain.

In February, I spent one weekend lugging a DSLR snapping pictures at Arab Street. I explored nooks and corners of Bussorah Road, Haji Lane, saw people smoking funny looking pipes. Walked right into bustling Bugis Street. Refreshing and very interesting, where have I been all this time? I never would have encountered this if not for my assignment to capture the essence of Arab Street and Bugis. Its "so happening" - smacked right here in Singapore. Why only take photos when you in another country. We have such a rich heritage, I am ashamed I missed all that. You don't need an expensive camera to take good photos. I made time to learn from Jino Lee on how to take good holiday photos. That was money and time well spent and that to me is a life long learning process. The results aren't great, but I became more aware of my surroundings and I became more knowledgeable.

When my colleagues dared me to take on the forest adventure, I gave no second thoughts. I completed my "obstacles", many times I sweared while overcoming the difficult ones. After some crash landings on the flying fox and having sand all over me, jumping off a 3 storey platform - I conquered the inner demon in me.

There's should always time for friends. You've got your family, and I've got mine. Nobody is going to deny that. Gone are your swinging single days when one simple phone call and nice venue, some nice members of the opposite sex was all it took for an exciting night out. Meeting friends these days calls for some serious logistic planning, even months ahead, all for a 90 minutes meal where everyone rushes to talk about their bambinos. I know of people who totally shut off friends after marriage and worse after they have children. At least some of you tried. Thank you for coming. They come up with some wierd, illogical reasons for not being able to come out in the evening because they have ageing parents. If you are going like "huh?", that's exactly how I felt. BTW this is based on a true story. The only valid reason you should not go out is when you are still in confinement. I think Mark Zuckerman had this vision and that explains why he has 400 million people on FB. He should retire now. He makes people have dinner online without having to move their fat bums. Even with such convenience, there's still people not having time for FB. With twitter and any social networking sites, we know what everyone is doing these days. How cool.

Find time with friends, with spouse, with mummy and daddy, siblings, children. Connect and have a real conversation with them. I spent too much time chasing the Singapore dream, I forgot my friends and I am now rushing to make up for lost time. Stay close to those you know will go the distance with you. They are worth your time and effort. Drop them an email, even if they far away on business trips or a good friend who has settled in another country. There's nothing more heartwarming to know there's someone out there across the miles thinking of you.

Time for coffee....and I am going to call my buddy now, yes I have time.