The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am..I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to
the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.
He told me that she had been there
for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.I was surprised, and asked him,
'And you still go every
morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled as he
patted my hand and said,
She doesn't
know me, but I still know who she is.'
I had to hold back
tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,
That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is
neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance
of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.
I hope you share this with someone you
care about. I just did.
'Life isn't about
how to survive the storm,
But how to dance in the rain.'
We are all getting older
Tomorrow may be our turn
GOD BLESS!

Leading by Example...

After a not so satisfying kimchi instant noodle supper, looking at my time its 00.31am on a Monday morning, I wonder why am I up so late. Other than some EPL legions who are still glued to their Mio remote at this time, I think most of you are alseep by now. Looking at the dwindling number of people online through Facebook, I guess its time to kiss your weekend goodbye and face another guelling week. Happy are those who just got their paycheck, not so happy are those whose paycheck are going towards bills, cars, utilities, credit cards, mortgages etc...endless...but isn't that what people generally do? Money don't grow on trees I suppose.

I don't work in a high stress level environment, in fact I can say I consider myself at times overpaid, underworked (I hope my employer is not reading this). I guess I can conclude one thing, I do manage my workload given the same 9 hours everybody gets. I vaguely remembered having to cart home any work home on any given day. I spent 180 days a year in casual attire as there's only 180 school days a year when I need to wear "office attire"). No teachers, students, parents for the rest of the time. I only have to OT on some days when there's events happening at work, and never have I claimed a single cent on OT or rather correction "cannot claim. You gain some you lose some. Just drum it in; don't shortchange your employer. If I have to leave early one day to attend say a wedding, I 'd just have to put back the hours back on another day. Conscience clear. Period.

Money isn't everything. My first paycheck as a secretary was $800. Then, it was a gargantuan sum. I gave mummy a fix monthly allowance and gradually increased it over the years. After I got married and had my own family, I continued to give mummy what I still call till today "cake money". Mummy is a homemaker and she gets an income from her children, simple as that. That's only fair. Just a few days ago I was having a conversation with a friend and our topic of discussion was whether we should expect our children to take care of us in our later years. Are they obliged to in the first place? A generation ago, I would say yes, but I cannot say the same for the next. Never take your children as an investment. As with any investment, always factor in the element of risk. If the stocks are in your favour, you reap the rewards. Invest in a bad stock, you will be left all alone, but always make sure you have a contingency plan. Having a place, regardless the size, make it your own. Never live with the fear that your next night might be somewhere in the streets. Never take for granted that you will be well-liked by your children or your in-laws. It has happened, just look around. Some don't have a choice. So why are some people still blaming themselves if they feel they have failed in bring up their children well and have somewhere along the way forgotten to instilled in them some sense of filial piety.

I asked my son today if he was keen to go to Sydney some day. He curtly said no and instead wanted go to China. Before I could ask him why, he proceeded to say that he wanted the entire family to go together. All of us also means daddy, mummy, brother, uncle and grandma. For those who don't know me, I live in an extended family. On many occasion when we are discussing where we should go during the year end vacation, my mil (mother-in-law) would usually opt out should we decide to go to a "western" country. To her, her asssumption that all western food contains dairy which she finds revolting and will never find the place suitable if the cuisine does not suit her. So came the reply "so mama can also come with us". He knows his priority even at such a tender age. You can't help but love this kid.

For a very long time before and then after marriage, I wanted my nucleus family. When we are young, we are blinded to a lot of things. I felt I needed a lot of personal space. A lot of my friends didn't understand the mechanics of my family and wondered why I compromised on having to live with my in laws. To cut a long story short, I love my spouse and I respected the way he wanted to live, that's with his parents. I secretly hope my kids in a few short years would have the same inkling to such an idealogy although I won't be too surprised if they wanted the pioneering spirit like me and have the conviction to pave their own way of life, to have their own place sans parents. That too I would have to respect their decision and not expect that they would want to live with me when I am old or worse old, feeble and sick. All I am asking is that I would love to see them often enough and have regular meals with me. Not being too unreasonable, I should think. On hindsight, living with my in laws have been more a boon than a bane for me. I go to work each day knowing my kids are not latch key kids and assured that they are well looked after. I could even have some rare occasion to meet friends without lugging my kids with me.

I have showed my children what its like to live in an extended family, I wonder if they will want to do the same when its their turn to be parents themselves and have children of their own. Would they want me around to look after their children and cook a warm meal for them when they come home from work. Do the laundry, iron the school uniforms, among many other chores. Generation gaps prevails but if both parties are willing to see from each other's perspective, garner mutual respect for one's individuality, avoid being control freaks, I thing a lovely relationship can be possible.

My agenda for my kids are simple. Their duty is to study hard, earn their right, be respectful, there's a time for work and a time for play. I'd rather have a child with average grades who ace in his or her EQ. I will not acknowledge one who ace all his or her papers but lacking in basic social manners and clueless about how to be a human being, one with empathy and total respect for anyone, right down to the person who comes to clear your table at a hawker centre. A word of thanks surely ain't that difficult. Being honestly sincere goes a longer way.

So, if you ask me how to raise a good kid, just look at yourself in the mirror, you are their living example and with God's grace, you LEAD by EXAMPLE. My sons actually taught me this...its their prefect motto. So very true...

Embracing 40....

In a couple months time, I will be turning 40. Assuming I live till 80 (very optimistic I am I know), that means I would have lived half my life. Most women for some reasons are really uptight when you ask them about their age. For me, you don't have to ask I will tell you, voluntarily. I mean what's the point of hiding your age? Most people have been to school and are able to count, even if they can't, their estimation cannot be that far off.

People will also tend to ask you, so what have you achieved? In general, people will judge you on your career path, the kind of home you own, the car you drive, the bling you wear and what time piece you have on your wrist. Never will anyone ask how you have lived your life, how meaningful it was or have you made a difference to anyone around you. Sadly that's how it seems in the broader scheme in life. I have never been a go-getter. I hated Shenton Way life. My very first temp job was at Citibank and it was the coldest place to work and I don't mean the air con temperature. I quit after 2 weeks. I never fit in.

My first permanent job was through a friend whose uncle heads an insurance agency. I knew I wouldn't go very far being stuck on the 16th floor of Cathay Building as a secretary. Being a green horn, you merely take instructions and never question. So at 21, I tried sales. How are you to convince people to buy insurance when you are barely out of school. After 1 year of peddling financial products, I knew this wasn't for me. I hated figures and I hated telling people that they may die prematurely.

My sister was a flight attendant with SIA and I wasn't at all keen in leaving my parents alone and worrying about my sis and I should both of us decides to embrace the "great way to fly" slogan. They were desperate for crew members and standing at 1.63m, I am techinically 5cm overqualified. Mum was trying to discourage too by saying I was clumsy and would definitely overturn beer in that tight galley. She's right, I can be very "lun chun", meaning clumsy in Cantonese. There goes my "travel around the world" dream, whooosh, out of the window.

As a child, when I go to Daddy's office, Daddy was MD so I had total liberty to do whatever I can in his Somerset House office, the very building with the famous goreng pisang (I can still remember). I would roll a paper into the manual Olivetti and would pound away and type THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG. If you can master this sentence on the typewriter, you basically qualifies as a secretary or a typist. All 26 alphabets are there. I would then open the ink pads and stamps away with the rubber stamps which says URGENT, PAID, in red ink, black ink, blue ink and on the table much to my dad's dismay. I would sit on Daddy's director's chair and try to see how far back it goes without the chair toppling over. Yes, I can be naughty.

Along came a job opportunity at an international school to temp for a Principal's secretary who was off for maternity leave. What was to be a two month assignment became a 17 year assignment and still counting. Nevermind I had to do loads of mailing, typing, copying, meetings, answering queries from parents, teachers, students, I was happy. Not only I engage with adults, the international students I got to know and knowing I am their "Miss Sharon at the office" was enough for me. Some of them I have watched them grow from a Kindergarten child until their graduation in High School. I never wanted to go back to Shenton Way.

I have not seriously dated anyone so technically I never had an ex. I really liked a boy once for a long time in secondary school but he was just not available. He liked a girl name Karen. Then came junior college, again I liked a boy but he was interested in a girl name Caren. You know what, I hated that name for a really long time....to think my name rhymes with it...There were a few boys in school whom I did go out with in groups though. I knew my tall dark handsome was a tall and unrealistic order so I scaled down my expectations cuz I knew I needed someone who could make me laugh, I didn't need a trophy boyfriend although having a gorgeous guy in your arms could make lots of girls eat maggots and cringe in pain. I didn't have a long checklist for my man. Someone to laugh with, takes care of me, loves his family, loves my family, loves me for who I am, was all it took for me to walk down the aisle with him. Next month we celebrate our 13th anniversary.

In July 1999, Ryan arrived after 38 weeks and was delivered c-section. No, I didn't chicken out on a natural birth. It just didn't happen as Ryan was breeched. I chose to have a LA instead of a GA. Not a bad idea to actually engage in a conversation while having the gynae cut you up, carry a baby out of you and stitch you back. Frankly, it was rather easy and I told myself, I could do this again...barely when Ryan was 9 months old, my GP congratulated me again. Ryan was going to have a brother. Marcus arrived before the end of 2000. I was never meant to experience labour pains and natural birth was only textbook knowledge for me.

The boys have been the best thing that happened to me. As a couple, we both share equal weight in parenting. Having mutual respect for parenting styles is the essence to a happy marriage and family building. If I could afford to have more children, I would love to have maybe another child. Even if I could I would have one 8 yrs back, not now as I am now about to enjoy and to pursue my hobbies, interests. With a baby, its not impossible but limiting. So it was a blessing both Ryan and Marcus was born close to one another and now able to bond and look out for each other.

Until my boys are just a bit older, I would love to spend more time seeing the world, try new things, climb Mt Fuji, see windmills and tulips, visit Holy Land, walk the Great Wall. Meanwhile I will just have to start saving, and hope my life will be continually blessed with good health, love and happiness. What's your dream?

As a parting shot, coming back to the realities of successful and gracious ageing, you try to stretch and slow down the process of ageing. You get sucked into believing whitening creme will eradicate age spots and pigmentation. Colouring your hair is no longer a choice, you cope with loosening skin cellulite and droopy eyelids amongst other parts of the body that droops. Meanwhile, before I am become too challenging for photoshopping, I'd better book a make-over with Glamour Shot to freeze time, have a few nice shots for my children and grandchildren to remember me at my prime, I'd call it Sharon at its best. Bring it on, at 40, I think my life is just beginning.

Me and My Global Friends on UN Day 2009

Glenn Medeiros - Me minus you equals blue (Me-U=blue)

Simply magical, so nice, so nice....

Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand - I Finally Found Someone

Dear Paul, Happy 13th Anniversary on 28 September (1997), Sharon

HUNGRY EYES - Eric Carmen

from the movie soundtrack of Dirty Dancing, RIP Patrick Swayze....