Leading by Example...

After a not so satisfying kimchi instant noodle supper, looking at my time its 00.31am on a Monday morning, I wonder why am I up so late. Other than some EPL legions who are still glued to their Mio remote at this time, I think most of you are alseep by now. Looking at the dwindling number of people online through Facebook, I guess its time to kiss your weekend goodbye and face another guelling week. Happy are those who just got their paycheck, not so happy are those whose paycheck are going towards bills, cars, utilities, credit cards, mortgages etc...endless...but isn't that what people generally do? Money don't grow on trees I suppose.

I don't work in a high stress level environment, in fact I can say I consider myself at times overpaid, underworked (I hope my employer is not reading this). I guess I can conclude one thing, I do manage my workload given the same 9 hours everybody gets. I vaguely remembered having to cart home any work home on any given day. I spent 180 days a year in casual attire as there's only 180 school days a year when I need to wear "office attire"). No teachers, students, parents for the rest of the time. I only have to OT on some days when there's events happening at work, and never have I claimed a single cent on OT or rather correction "cannot claim. You gain some you lose some. Just drum it in; don't shortchange your employer. If I have to leave early one day to attend say a wedding, I 'd just have to put back the hours back on another day. Conscience clear. Period.

Money isn't everything. My first paycheck as a secretary was $800. Then, it was a gargantuan sum. I gave mummy a fix monthly allowance and gradually increased it over the years. After I got married and had my own family, I continued to give mummy what I still call till today "cake money". Mummy is a homemaker and she gets an income from her children, simple as that. That's only fair. Just a few days ago I was having a conversation with a friend and our topic of discussion was whether we should expect our children to take care of us in our later years. Are they obliged to in the first place? A generation ago, I would say yes, but I cannot say the same for the next. Never take your children as an investment. As with any investment, always factor in the element of risk. If the stocks are in your favour, you reap the rewards. Invest in a bad stock, you will be left all alone, but always make sure you have a contingency plan. Having a place, regardless the size, make it your own. Never live with the fear that your next night might be somewhere in the streets. Never take for granted that you will be well-liked by your children or your in-laws. It has happened, just look around. Some don't have a choice. So why are some people still blaming themselves if they feel they have failed in bring up their children well and have somewhere along the way forgotten to instilled in them some sense of filial piety.

I asked my son today if he was keen to go to Sydney some day. He curtly said no and instead wanted go to China. Before I could ask him why, he proceeded to say that he wanted the entire family to go together. All of us also means daddy, mummy, brother, uncle and grandma. For those who don't know me, I live in an extended family. On many occasion when we are discussing where we should go during the year end vacation, my mil (mother-in-law) would usually opt out should we decide to go to a "western" country. To her, her asssumption that all western food contains dairy which she finds revolting and will never find the place suitable if the cuisine does not suit her. So came the reply "so mama can also come with us". He knows his priority even at such a tender age. You can't help but love this kid.

For a very long time before and then after marriage, I wanted my nucleus family. When we are young, we are blinded to a lot of things. I felt I needed a lot of personal space. A lot of my friends didn't understand the mechanics of my family and wondered why I compromised on having to live with my in laws. To cut a long story short, I love my spouse and I respected the way he wanted to live, that's with his parents. I secretly hope my kids in a few short years would have the same inkling to such an idealogy although I won't be too surprised if they wanted the pioneering spirit like me and have the conviction to pave their own way of life, to have their own place sans parents. That too I would have to respect their decision and not expect that they would want to live with me when I am old or worse old, feeble and sick. All I am asking is that I would love to see them often enough and have regular meals with me. Not being too unreasonable, I should think. On hindsight, living with my in laws have been more a boon than a bane for me. I go to work each day knowing my kids are not latch key kids and assured that they are well looked after. I could even have some rare occasion to meet friends without lugging my kids with me.

I have showed my children what its like to live in an extended family, I wonder if they will want to do the same when its their turn to be parents themselves and have children of their own. Would they want me around to look after their children and cook a warm meal for them when they come home from work. Do the laundry, iron the school uniforms, among many other chores. Generation gaps prevails but if both parties are willing to see from each other's perspective, garner mutual respect for one's individuality, avoid being control freaks, I thing a lovely relationship can be possible.

My agenda for my kids are simple. Their duty is to study hard, earn their right, be respectful, there's a time for work and a time for play. I'd rather have a child with average grades who ace in his or her EQ. I will not acknowledge one who ace all his or her papers but lacking in basic social manners and clueless about how to be a human being, one with empathy and total respect for anyone, right down to the person who comes to clear your table at a hawker centre. A word of thanks surely ain't that difficult. Being honestly sincere goes a longer way.

So, if you ask me how to raise a good kid, just look at yourself in the mirror, you are their living example and with God's grace, you LEAD by EXAMPLE. My sons actually taught me this...its their prefect motto. So very true...